|The Venture Bros. episode|
|Showdown at Cremation Creek|
|Orig. Airdate||October 8, 2006|
We open with a shot of a naked Dr. Girlfriend under some pink bedsheets. The Monarch barges in with an orange and a bag of pretzels but Dr. Girlfriend tells him to drop the crap and get in bed with her. The Monarch quickly obliges and squirms his way under the sheets, trying to get his hands around Dr. Girlfriend's ample breasts, and casually asks if she's had any work done on them. Dr. Girlfriend denies that she had any work done but The Monarch keeps pestering her about it, finally asking if Phantom Limb left a little gift in her oven. Dr, Girlfriend barges out of bed and tells the Monarch that things will never work out, meeting in cheap hotels and all, and starts to cry. The Monarch hesitantly asks Dr. Girlfriend to marry him, and when she makes to leave the room, The Monarch gets on his knees and asks Dr. Girlfriend to marry him. Dr. Girlfriend accepts but she has a few conditions for him:
- 1. No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap.
- 2. I'm not your number 2, I'm your partner.
- 3. This whole Dr. Venture thing is OVER!
The Monarch enthusiastically agrees, saying that it's time to kill Dr. Venture once and for all while making the boys into slaves and turning Brock's flesh into a lamp. Dr. Girlfriend says he has to stop the insane grudge against Venture, and when The Monarch objects, she moves to leave again. The Monarch finally gives in, letting his love for Dr. Girlfriend (or her girl parts) get the better of him. He pinky swears to never arch Dr. Venture again and makes Dr. Girlfriend the happiest woman on earth.
One Month Later
The Fluttering Horde has just trashed most of the cocoon throwing a bachelor party for The Monarch. 21 and 24 wake up, with terrible hangovers, and are as surprised as shart to discover that they somehow captured Brock Fucking Samson.
In the meantime, The Monarch pays a visit to Phantom Limb to tell him that he will marry Dr. Girlfriend. Phantom Limb is hunting for "wild life" apparently trying to convey a message to The Monarch. Mister Monday is seen moving among the bushes and Phantom limb shoots him with his shotgun, followed by Dr. Septapus, White Noise and finally Tiny Attorney. He then tells The Monarch that he won't forget things and that revenge, like gazpacho, is best served cold, precise and merciless.
"You can never have to much precision in your soup," replies the Monarch. "I hate these traitorous dinks more than you do, so shoot whoever you want!"
On cue, Phantom Limb raises the shotgun single handedly and points it at The Monarch's face. "Go. Her shit's by the door in a box marked "hers".
Meanwhile The Order of the Triad is fighting Torrid for an all seeing orb. They finally beat him when they form the Thaumaturgic Man-Mound and blast the eye from his hands. Torrid disappears and leaves The Alchemist and Jefferson Twilight complaining about Orpheus' golf shoes.
In the cocoon, The Monarch is panicking because he has just found out that his henchmen captured the Venture family. He starts going ballistic on the poor guys, calling them dicks and telling them that he made a sacred pinky swear to Dr. Girlfriend. He calms down a bit and asks why they hadn't been able to pull this off anytime in the past 10 years. 21 explains that after The Monarch went to bed the henchmen went out for a night on the town and when he saw a tattoo parlor, he had to get himself some ink. While 21 is getting a tattoo of a butterfly in the small of his back (haha a tramp stamp!) the "murderist extraordinaire" Brock Samson happens to be in the next seat getting a tattoo himself. The henchmen pounced on him, and while there were the predictable casualties, eventually the power the whizard of booze had given them paid off and they had their murder machine neatly tied up. With Samson out of the way, Doc and the boys were easy pickings. Dr. Girlfriend walks in, and goes ballistic when she sees the Venture clan in the holding cell, she calls the wedding off, but The Monarch quickly says that Dr. Venture is there to be his best man. Dr. Girlfriend still doesn't believe him because they are being held in a holding cell, but he explains that "the blond kid" wanted to see what it was like inside the cell, and that he probably thinks they are in a submarine. As if to confirm this, Hank wakes up, confused and disoriented and asks where they are. Dr. girlfriend gives in, and starts making out and groping The Monarch. Seeing this makes Rusty remember his past with her.
At Phantom Limb's place, Phantom is discussing his plans about wanting to exact revenge on The Monarch with The Sovereign. The Sovereign tells Phantom Limb that it doesn't matter if he was dumped and that he should start a diary or go jogging with friends. He makes Phantom Limb give him his word that he won't act against The Monarch, which he willingly does. The Sovereign then tells him he has to go to a wedding, and then remembers who he is talking to and awkwardly tells him that he has to go. Phantom Limb loses no time and gets the Guild wasps ready to attack.
The Monarch, 21 and 24 escort Brock, Hank and Dean to their rooms so they can dress for the wedding. Meanwhile, Dr. Venture pays a visit to Dr. girlfriend telling her he brought her something blue, himself. He starts hitting on her and at first Dr. Girlfriend doesn't know what he's talking about, then she remembers the horrible incident. He flaunts the fact that he made her fall for him, and Dr. Girlfriend tells him he didn't even know it was her, which is true. "Now that I know it's you I put two and two together and that equals forever." he tells her. "You planned this all along" he says. "Yeah sure I wanted The Monarch and Dr. Venture together so I could do them both." "I'm not going to share you," he says, "you have to make a choice."
Back at Dr. Orpheus' place, The Alchemist shows up with a shirt you need ear plugs to look at and a grocery bag full of beverages to take the "edge off" and Jefferson tells him it's not even noon yet and that he doesn't drink. The Alchemist takes out some nickel nips, making him go rather crazy and violent!
Hank ends up with 21 who shows him his awesome toy, err, collectibles stash, but Hank still insists that 21 has more toys than a girl. After playing with the toys for a bit, Hank puts a fake beard on and says that he is Russian Guyovitch, an evil version of Hank! Meanwhile, Dean ends up with 24, who is very, very annoyed with him. Dean wants to get a tour of the engine room because he has never seen an engine that runs on anti-matter. 24 is less than enthusiastic about the prospect of taking Cadet Dean to the engine room and tells him to go himself. When Dean gets to the engine room, another henchman comes out and gives him charts, or what he calls radars, and tells Dean to take them to The Monarch.
At the reception, Brock is holding door duty. Hank asks about his brother, and Brock says he's probably bothering Monstroso. He asks where he's sitting, and Brock tells him he's next to Sgt. Hatred and guest. He sits down next to Sgt. Hatred who is complaining about the monitors at the reception being from his hover tank, and as Hank sits down, he asks Hatred if he's going to bad-touch him. He then introduces himself as Russian Guyovitch which seems to ease him, and he proceeds to show of his wife's tiny feet and lick them.
Just then, David Bowie walks in with Klaus Nomi and Iggy Pop. Brock doesn't seem to like him much because of what he pulled after Berlin and wants to kill him but Dr. Girlfriend explains he's here to give her away. The music starts up and as David and Dr. Girlfriend walk down the isle, Rusty says, "I want to tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot." "Are you reciting Jessie's Girl?" asks The Monarch. Bowie hands Dr. Girlfriend to the Monarch and Killinger starts the ceremony.
Back at Order of the Triad central, Orpheus is arguing with The Alchemist and asks if they are breaking up. Just then, Orpheus' amulet starts to glow. He listens to it and learns that the Venture family is in danger and that hundreds of people will die. "That I am interested in", says The Alchemist.
At the wedding, The Monarch says his I do and just as Dr. Girlfriend is about to accept, Phantom Limb shows up ready to destroy all inside! (What a dick!)
 Episode Related Links
- Wedding Invite and Link to wedding song at Quickstopentertainment.com